Update

Wow. It's been a WHILE since I've updated this. I'll try to be as brief as possible, but there has been a lot going on. So in case you didn't know, I've been participating in a clinical trial at U of M. John and I were really excited about this trial because the drug specifically targets my type of cancerous mutation. Unfortunately, I got placed in the standard arm of the trial, and have only been given standard treatment. Within the past month, my breathing has been progressively gotten worse. Initially, they thought I was having a reaction to one of the chemos. I was taken off of it and put on steroids. Initially, that helped my breathing, but eventually, my breathing continued to digress. After several scans and a pulmonology consult, the consensus is that the cancer has continued to spread in my lungs. Unfortunately, my pulse ox has been dropping with minimal excretion and they are trying to get me approved for oxygen in case of emergencies. In the meantime, I now qualify for the trial arm of the trial and have started the trial drug, which will target my mutation. John and I are trying to stay hopeful and positive that this new chemo will help shrink the tumors in my lungs and my symptoms will improve. Right now, it's too early to tell. Initially, I was a bit upset, because it seems that all I've received from the standard chemo is a ton of horrible side effects. However, after having several serious talks with my oncologist and John and my family and friends, I'm trying to stay positive and hopeful that this trial drug will help! I should also add, that the colon tumor has not returned, which is good news. I am asking for continued prayers and positive thoughts!

Love and prayers,
Holly

Side Effects

Hello again. I want to send a big thank you for everyone who messaged, text, FB, called, and posted comments here on my last post. I know what it was a bit of a downer and I appreciate all of the positive feedback. Unfortunately, it's likely to get that way time from time. But moving on...I wanted to update all of you on how the chemo is going so far. I had my second round last week. Of course with all chemo, there are side effects, they're just all different. I tend to get nauseated the first few (3-4) days after chemo. The doctor prescribed Zofran and has me take it prophylactically in the morning during those days. The main SE has been a horrible rash. It started with just my face, but has now spread to my chest, trunk, arms, neck, shoulders, scalp, and legs. There are even some spots inside my ears. It has been a week and a half of trying different creams and ointments. I've been to the pharmacy everyday. Yesterday the doctor called and prescribed an oral steroid to help get over the hump, so to speak. Apparently in most cases, the rash flares after the first few rounds, then subsides, and eventually goes away. I'm really looking forward to the going away part...especially before the wedding. I'm kind of worried about losing my hair. There's a 20-30 % chance of it happening. My hair has definitely thinned and comes out in little clumps after I shower. I really hope I don't lose it all...especially with the wedding  coming up. Also the neuropathy in my fingertips has flared back up slightly, but it's tolerable. Overall, I can't complain. I mean the SE's aren't ideal, but they're treatable...well except for the hair loss.

In other news, I've been feverishly working on the wedding invitations. They're going a out a little late, because in all of chaos, I simply put them on the back burner and forgot about them. However, it's actually proved to be a good distraction in the middle of everything.

Hope all is well with everyone!
Love and prayers,
Holly

The Struggle is Real

I know it's been a while since I posted on here. I just wanted to take a minute to write an honest post. I've really been struggling emotionally lately. I've been in a real funk. In the immediate past, I've had some high and lows but usually the lows pass. This time, I just haven't been able to get out of this funk. Poor John, I don't know how he deals with this. Last night I kept him up because I was sobbing. Here are some of the issues I'm struggling with. 1. The side effects of the chemo. Each drug brings different side effects. Some worse than others. But because I'll never be off chemo, I'll always have to deal with them. 2. I don't understand why. Why did I get cancer. Why did God allow this. Why does my life get cut short just when things were finally starting to come together. 3. I miss my old life. I miss just enjoying my time. I think about how life was before I got cancer a lot. Just enjoying the moment, not worried about when it will all end. There's more but it just gets worse. I just hope I'm able to get out of this funk soon, but it's been hanging on to no avail. I'm asking for prayers to help me get through this. Thanks for listening.

Love and prayers,
Holly

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

I know it's been a while and I apologize. It's not easy for me to talk about the cancer. I like to forget about it as much as possible. I had a CT last week and saw the doctor this week. The cancer is starting to grow back a bit in my lungs. Ultimately, the doctors have decided to switch the type of chemo I am on. I will be participating in a clinical trial at U of M that targets the specific type of mutation my cancer has. I am doing my best to stay hopeful, but it's difficult at times. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I go through this process.

Love and prayers,
Holly

4th Time is a Charm?

So I had appointment with yet another (medical) oncologist. This time went a lot better. This oncologist was patient, very articulate, and strategic. He is open to many options and is hopeful that I will continue to respond well. I will be making the switch to this new doctor pronto. I'm still waiting to hear from Uof M.

Sorry this is short, but that is all the updates that I have for now. Please keep the prayers and positive thoughts coming!

Love and prayers,
Holly