Update

Wow. It's been a WHILE since I've updated this. I'll try to be as brief as possible, but there has been a lot going on. So in case you didn't know, I've been participating in a clinical trial at U of M. John and I were really excited about this trial because the drug specifically targets my type of cancerous mutation. Unfortunately, I got placed in the standard arm of the trial, and have only been given standard treatment. Within the past month, my breathing has been progressively gotten worse. Initially, they thought I was having a reaction to one of the chemos. I was taken off of it and put on steroids. Initially, that helped my breathing, but eventually, my breathing continued to digress. After several scans and a pulmonology consult, the consensus is that the cancer has continued to spread in my lungs. Unfortunately, my pulse ox has been dropping with minimal excretion and they are trying to get me approved for oxygen in case of emergencies. In the meantime, I now qualify for the trial arm of the trial and have started the trial drug, which will target my mutation. John and I are trying to stay hopeful and positive that this new chemo will help shrink the tumors in my lungs and my symptoms will improve. Right now, it's too early to tell. Initially, I was a bit upset, because it seems that all I've received from the standard chemo is a ton of horrible side effects. However, after having several serious talks with my oncologist and John and my family and friends, I'm trying to stay positive and hopeful that this trial drug will help! I should also add, that the colon tumor has not returned, which is good news. I am asking for continued prayers and positive thoughts!

Love and prayers,
Holly

Side Effects

Hello again. I want to send a big thank you for everyone who messaged, text, FB, called, and posted comments here on my last post. I know what it was a bit of a downer and I appreciate all of the positive feedback. Unfortunately, it's likely to get that way time from time. But moving on...I wanted to update all of you on how the chemo is going so far. I had my second round last week. Of course with all chemo, there are side effects, they're just all different. I tend to get nauseated the first few (3-4) days after chemo. The doctor prescribed Zofran and has me take it prophylactically in the morning during those days. The main SE has been a horrible rash. It started with just my face, but has now spread to my chest, trunk, arms, neck, shoulders, scalp, and legs. There are even some spots inside my ears. It has been a week and a half of trying different creams and ointments. I've been to the pharmacy everyday. Yesterday the doctor called and prescribed an oral steroid to help get over the hump, so to speak. Apparently in most cases, the rash flares after the first few rounds, then subsides, and eventually goes away. I'm really looking forward to the going away part...especially before the wedding. I'm kind of worried about losing my hair. There's a 20-30 % chance of it happening. My hair has definitely thinned and comes out in little clumps after I shower. I really hope I don't lose it all...especially with the wedding  coming up. Also the neuropathy in my fingertips has flared back up slightly, but it's tolerable. Overall, I can't complain. I mean the SE's aren't ideal, but they're treatable...well except for the hair loss.

In other news, I've been feverishly working on the wedding invitations. They're going a out a little late, because in all of chaos, I simply put them on the back burner and forgot about them. However, it's actually proved to be a good distraction in the middle of everything.

Hope all is well with everyone!
Love and prayers,
Holly

The Struggle is Real

I know it's been a while since I posted on here. I just wanted to take a minute to write an honest post. I've really been struggling emotionally lately. I've been in a real funk. In the immediate past, I've had some high and lows but usually the lows pass. This time, I just haven't been able to get out of this funk. Poor John, I don't know how he deals with this. Last night I kept him up because I was sobbing. Here are some of the issues I'm struggling with. 1. The side effects of the chemo. Each drug brings different side effects. Some worse than others. But because I'll never be off chemo, I'll always have to deal with them. 2. I don't understand why. Why did I get cancer. Why did God allow this. Why does my life get cut short just when things were finally starting to come together. 3. I miss my old life. I miss just enjoying my time. I think about how life was before I got cancer a lot. Just enjoying the moment, not worried about when it will all end. There's more but it just gets worse. I just hope I'm able to get out of this funk soon, but it's been hanging on to no avail. I'm asking for prayers to help me get through this. Thanks for listening.

Love and prayers,
Holly

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

I know it's been a while and I apologize. It's not easy for me to talk about the cancer. I like to forget about it as much as possible. I had a CT last week and saw the doctor this week. The cancer is starting to grow back a bit in my lungs. Ultimately, the doctors have decided to switch the type of chemo I am on. I will be participating in a clinical trial at U of M that targets the specific type of mutation my cancer has. I am doing my best to stay hopeful, but it's difficult at times. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I go through this process.

Love and prayers,
Holly

4th Time is a Charm?

So I had appointment with yet another (medical) oncologist. This time went a lot better. This oncologist was patient, very articulate, and strategic. He is open to many options and is hopeful that I will continue to respond well. I will be making the switch to this new doctor pronto. I'm still waiting to hear from Uof M.

Sorry this is short, but that is all the updates that I have for now. Please keep the prayers and positive thoughts coming!

Love and prayers,
Holly

When is it ok?

Excuse me while I rant for a minute...As most of you know, my phone is currently broken. I went to Verizon today to order my replacement. I had to explain to the person helping me that I need a phone in the meantime due to my diagnosis. (I'm awaiting test results and consult phone calls). To which he promptly asked "what's your prognosis?" You don't know how often I get this question. It basically means "when do you think you'll die?" Since when is it OK to ask a complete stranger this? I want to reply "Hmmmm...you smoke, eat greasy food, have high blood pressure...when do you think you'll die?" If that's not OK to ask, then IT IS NOT OK to ask about my prognosis.

*Ok, rant over*

No real updates to report at this point, but of course, I'll keep you updated! Please keep up prayers and positive thoughts that I find a helpful and hopeful oncologist!!!

Love and prayers,
Holly

I Should Have Known Better

My second opinion with the medical oncologist went HORRIBLE. Essentially he was upset that I sought out the surgical oncologist. He accused the surgical oncologist of giving me false hope and that he shouldn't be giving me such advice since he is a SURGEON and not a MEDICAL oncologist. I am SO SICK of people explaining the difference between a surgical and medical doctor. I am a nurse after all. I might have picked up the difference somewhere down the line. He further more said that radiation or surgery of any kind would not be helpful. Over, and over, and over again he repeated himself to ensure that any hope that I had left was stamped out. He said "why change what is already working?" I dunno...maybe so I can live a longer life?! He also said they'll continue to treat me medically until I no longer respond to the medication. Super. Very uplifting. Thanks for that.

As easy as it would be to give up, I'm not going to. I'm seeking out another opinion at a different hospital. I informed the surgical oncologist of the appointment, and he said they will continue to advocate on my behalf and that medical oncologists tend to be more pessimistic because they see a lot of sad cases. However, he said to keep my chin up, there's a subgroup of patients that do well and there's no reason to believe that I might not be in that group. I just ask that you keep me in your prayers that I find the right "medical" doctor who will help me in this fight! A BIG THANK YOU to the surgeons who are fighting along with me and allowing me some hope in this situation!

Love and prayers,
Holly

Second Opinion Updates

I've been asking for a second opinion for a while. Finally, I heard from Karmanos, a specialist cancer hospital in the Detroit area. I waited months to hear from them...when they finally contacted me, they said they were not taking second opinions due to their long waiting list. However, they said, an oncologist there did look at my case and agreed with the care provided by my local oncologist. This saddened me a bit because I felt like I was just waiting for the cancer to return, which my oncologist said undoubtedly will happen.

So in my last post, I talked about going to see a surgical oncologist. Well, I finally did yesterday. Firstly, they explained that I've responded really well to the chemo. More so than I was led to believe. They pulled up my scans, and they showed the cancer almost completely gone in both the colon and the lungs. We then discussed multiple options, including more aggressive chemo, radiation, and surgery. They also informed me that I have a rather atypical type of cancer that might be more receptive to treatment. Furthermore, they believe with aggressive treatment, my chance of survival will greatly increase, and there is a small chance for a cure. They referred me to a different oncologist that specializes in colon cancer. I'll start with a more aggressive chemo regimen. If that doesn't work, they might try radiation. If there is any cancer left, then we'll discuss surgery. This appointment gave me something that I have not had in a long time...hope. I couldn't believe the options they offered. I've asked my current oncologist about all of these, and she has said because of being stage IV, they weren't options for me. I am so happy to have these doctor's who are able to look at my case individually instead of just treating me like a typical cancer patient, which I am not. With my renewed sense of hope, I begin the second stage of my journey which will begin with the oncology consult. Please keep up the prayers, God definitely has a plan.

Love and prayer,
Holly

It's been a while...

Sorry it's been so long since my last post. Things are going ok. I'm scared of the cancer coming back or my lungs getting worse. I have an appointment with a surgical oncologist in a few weeks to talk about possible surgery. In other news, John and I bought a house that needs a lot of help. Our families and friends have been awesome in helping us with renovations. There is still a lot that needs to be done. The painters are coming this week, but they are doubtful as to whether or not they'll be able to get the whole house done. Soooo...if anyone loves to paint, swing on by! I'll work better on keeping this blog updated. Hope everyone is doing well!

Love and prayers,
Holly

PET scan results and progress

So I haven't been on here in a while. Mainly I've been anxious over the PET scan I had done last week. Most of you read the post of how they mixed up the days the scan was supposed to be done. I had my 7th round of chemo today and met with the doctor to discuss my results. The tumor in the colon is gone. The tumors in my lungs are shrinking, but some are still consolidated. There is no new growth. Overall, this is pretty good news! Right now I am on maintenance chemo, so the side effects should lessen. I'm really excited about that. The bad news, is there is a very good chance the cancer can come back. I'm trying my very best to be positive and stand strong in prayer. I want to thank EVERY ONE OF YOU who sent me texts, emails, fb posts, cards, and phone calls. Knowing that you care and standing strong besides me means the world to both John and I.

Love and prayers,
Holly

Well, hello there

Wow...It's been a long time since I've posted on here. Right when I got chemo last, we had a blast of cold weather. I spent a lot of time cuddled up and sleeping. This week, I'm feeling a little better and the warmer weather helps! I want to thank everyone for their comments, thoughts and prayers. I ask that you keep my friend Sarah in your prayers as well as she starts treatment for breast cancer. I hope everyone is doing well and in good health!

Love and prayers,
Holly

Quick Update

Nothing really new to report. I have chemo again this Tuesday. I hope it goes better than my last round. I had a cold, which grew worse after I received the chemo. Last week, I think I caught a virus making my week miserable. However, after some rest and recuperation, I'm on the mend. I definitely have more energy and hope the rest of my symptoms resolve soon. I hope everyone else is doing well and staying healthy!

Love and prayers,
Holly

It's been a week

Sorry it's been so long since my last post. To be honest, I haven't been feeling very well this week. My stomach has been upset and my energy is next to nil. I also have been fighting a head cold, which can leave my system any time now. John thinks it's because of the weather and my 30+ lb weight loss. I think it might be a cumulative effect from the chemo. Either way, I hope it passes. I'm ready to start enjoying life again. I hope everyone is doing well.

Love and prayers,
Holly

Organic Food

So I've been getting a lot of questions about where to get organic food. My answer is simple...I'm able to get a lot of organic food at Meijer and Target. I now eat organic cereal, oatmeal, veggies, meats, juice, etc...I think along with the chemo, my diet change has been a major contribution to how well I've been doing. This week has been a bit of a stumble with battling a head cold and having my port removed. However, I am holding strong to the fact that the tumor marker has greatly reduced. I plan to continue with the dietary changes I've made. We'll see what happens next. I haven't been able to work because the side effects are cumulative, and therefore are lasting longer and worsening. I would like to thank EVERYONE who has contributed to my fundraiser or sent me any monetary contributions. I'd also like to thank EVERYONE who has sent cards, texts, messages, etc...just to let me know that they are thinking about me and/or praying for me. I am so touched, you guys are amazing! I hope everyone is having a great week!

Love and prayers,
Holly

Short Update

I would like to thank everyone who took the time to message, email, and text me today. It was a bit of a rough one, but it's over. Everyone in the IR department was super nice and procedure is over with. Now it's a matter of getting the site to heal. In good news, the tumor marker went down by over half! I am really excited about that! After my next round of chemo, I expect to have more films and testing down to see where everything is at. Again, thank you to all who took the time to pray, send a message, and donate to my cause. You guys are all amazing, I am so blessed to have such an amazing support system. Because of all the complications and cumulative side effects, I will not be going back to work for the next few weeks in order to give my body some time to rest and heal. Please keep up the prayers and positive thoughts!

Love and prayers,
Holly

Chemo Day

Well, it's been a rough day to say the least. Chemo day is always the hardest. However, some of you may know I've been having issues with my port not healing. Well, IR has decided to remove it. That means I have to have another procedure to remove it, and possibly another down the road to replace it. Right now, I'm getting my chemo via IV. I must say, I prefer the port. It's really difficult not to get too down...but everything happens for a reason...I guess. I hope everyone is doing well and in good health. I'm linking the fundraiser down below just in case. If you feel up to donating, please know that I really appreciate it!

Love and prayers,
Holly

Click HERE for the link to the fundraiser!

Snowpocalypse Superbowl Spread

So I am currently stuck in Lansing due to the snowpocalypse going on outside. I had originally planned on traveling back to GR toady, but nature had other plans. To make the best of the situation, we decided to make a trio of dips to munch on while watching the big game...here's what we ended up with.

We made black bean salsa (you basically mix a bunch of veggies together with cilantro, juice of 1-2 limes, salt, pepper, and cumin), artichoke dip (the south beach version), and buffalo chicken dip. Our "dippers" were all-natural multigrain tortilla chips, whole wheat pita chips, and assorted raw veggies.

This was plate. Noticed the past tense as it didn't last long. :) Did you have anything yummy to eat while watching the superbowl? (P.S. we only lasted through half-time). I hope everyone is at home safe and sound. Please do be careful driving out there.

Love and prayers, 

Holly

Tonight's Dinner

So this week has been a little stressful, due to some external forces in my life. I seriously considered just ordering a pizza tonight because I've been so tired. However, I chose the higher road, and I'm glad I did. Pictured above is what I made. Left over brussel sprouts (the gift that keeps on giving) made for an easy side dish. I also made parmesan encrusted chicken. This is one of my easy go-to's for chicken. I use mayo made with olive oil to cut some of the fat. The chicken of course, is organic. I made another go-to dish, my easy cheesy zucchini rice. The rice is organic, but the zucchini is not. Also, just a touch of cheddar cheese makes me feel like I'm eating something rich and creamy. As an added bonus, it makes the house smell delicious.

On a side note, I've been able to catch up with a lot work friends this week, both previous and current colleagues. I would like to note work has been amazing. It feels so great to be back. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, I work with an amazing team of people!!! They have been the highlight of my week. :)

Love and prayers,

Holly

Simple Dinner and Dessert

It's been a tough week this far, but life goes on and so do I! So here's a post about...more food! Let's get into it, shall we? Here's what I had for dinner tonight (and shhhhh....last night too. Yay! for leftovers!)

Pictured above, is chicken that I sauteed. If you follow me on instagram, you know that I do that a lot. Pre-cancer, it was because chicken was a quick cooking protein that I could add to our mainly veggie meals (as John has PKU). Now, it's because I can easily find organic chicken. It's a lean protein that I don't feel bad eating. I also eat some fish, but that's about it for meat. Also pictured is Israeli couscous mixed with vegetables. (Want to know more about Israeli couscous? "Israeli couscous, also called pearl couscous, is similar to regular couscous in that it's a small, whole grain-like food made from semolina or wheat flour. Israeli couscous also has a low glycemic index, making it a healthy and high-fiber food.") And of course, roasted brussel sprouts. For those, I just coat with olive oil, salt, and pepper and roast them in the oven. They're also great left over. 

Lately, I haven't been craving sweets as they have mostly been cut out of my diet altogether. However, I was in the mood for a little something sweet after dinner tonight, so I made this little beauty:

This is a pretty straightforward item. Organic vanilla bean yogurt topped with fruit. I just used what I had on hand, which was strawberries and blueberries. I've also done with the strawberry yogurt and used strawberries and bananas. It's a nice little treat with some added natural sweetness. It was just enough to satisfy my craving!

So that's it folks. My night in food. Hope you are all doing well!

Love and prayers,

Holly

Let's Get Real

So last week I had my chemo treatment. I have begun to dread going in for treatment. It's a long day and then the side effects start over (they're always the worst immediately after treatment). I had scans to see the progress of the treatment. Overall, they weren't bad, but they weren't as good as I was hoping. I really struggled with this past round of chemo. The doctors are saying that if I fully recover, I'll still be very likely to have a relapse. That is so hard to hear. It made me feel that all this work and fighting is for nothing. Overall, I try really hard to stay positive. I've made drastic changes to my diet to help my body fight against the cancer. But there are times that I'm angry that I got cancer. I'm angry that I have to go through this at a young age. I'm angry that I don't get more time. I'm angry that I didn't do something sooner. I'm angry because I don't understand why God is putting me through this. Then there are days when I'm at peace. I'll be honest, it's an up and down journey.

Love and prayers,
Holly

More about food...loaded sweet potatoes

If you're sensing a theme...you're right. It's all about food this weekend. John and I usually make a "menu" for a few days, go grocery shopping to get the food items needed, then desperately try to stick to it. Luckily, I had a lot of vegetables and such on hand so we didn't need to go crazy at the grocery store. One item that I've stocked up on are sweet potatoes. They're so versatile and tasty, not to mention healthy.

I was inspired by this recipe from Food Blogger Pinch of Yum. If you're into cooking, you should check out her blog. There are a ton of delicious recipes, many of which are vegetarian.

So John and I set out to make a similar take on sweet potatoes. We started by simply baking them. Once they were cool enough to handle, we mashed-up the "innards" with a little butter, salt and pepper.

Then came the toppings. I cooked a can of black beans (once rinsed), with a little chicken broth, a bay leaf, and 1/8th tsp of cumin and chili powder. I just added a little salt and pepper to the corn. We also wanted chives, but the store was completely out. :( John also added a little taco sauce to one half of his). The berries were dessert.

This is what it looked like once we added the veggies. It could be eaten just like this, but we added an additional ingredient that added a little creaminess (see below). I also had a chicken breast for protein on the side. 

Next, we both added a little cheese for taste. I didn't think it would add much, but I was mistaken. I just added a handful to top everything off, and it added a creaminess that elevated the whole dish.

And there you have it! A loaded sweet potato! Overall, this was a satisfying dish, and I didn't feel guilty eating it. What have you guys been eating this weekend?

Love and prayers,

Holly

My journey with oatmeal

Since my diagnosis, I've been trying to eat healthier. Less sodium, caffeine, and processed food, and more organic, natural food. This includes lot's of fruit and veggies, and of course, lean protein. Something that I've kind of strayed away from is oatmeal. Growing up, my mother would make instant oatmeal mixed with a packet of jelly (yes, she took the packets from restaurants). It was gross and made me avoid oatmeal for a long, long time. While in Lansing, John's parents made steel cut oatmeal with dried fruit and it was AMAZING! Now, I'm hooked. John and I had some this morning and I took some pictures and I thought I would share.

I got organic steel cut oats on sale. You should get some if you haven't tried them. They're on sale right now at Meijer. Just sayin'. They take a little longer to cook, but they're worth it.

I add dried fruit while the oats are cooking. Once the oats are done, the oatmeal looks this. You can eat it like this...or add delicious toppings. 

These are the toppings that we had this morning. I added a little bit of everything...half and half, bananas, blueberries, and a touch of brown sugar. I didn't add anymore dried fruit because I added a lot to the oats while they were cooking, but you certainly could. 

This is the end result. Everything is added in, you mix it together, and enjoy...which I did. Very much. Overall, I find this to be a healthy and tasty breakfast. It makes the memories of instant oatmeal and jelly packets fade quickly. 

 I hope everyone is doing well and staying warm! 

Love and prayers,

Holly

Why is it so c-c-c-cold?!

Seriously, old man winter, feel free to ease up on the FREEZING. Today was my first day back to work. The roads were snowy (p.s. I just tried to write snowly), and slick due to the FREEZING COLD temperature outside. As most of you know, one of the main side effects from the chemo is an aversion to cold. My hands/feet/mouth/nose/anything exposed to the cold gets numb and tingly, and I cough. A lot. So that was less than desirable. However, I braved the cold temp, and I'm glad I did. It felt really good to be back, surrounded by familiar faces. It was a great reminder of how awesome the group I work with is! I really hope to be able to work my way back up into a normal routine. Thanks to everyone who sent well wishes, texts, and messages. It feels amazing to face the day, knowing that whatever may come, I have an incredible group of family and friends supporting me. :) Good luck to all who are stuck in this deep freeze! Try to stay warm!!!!

Love and prayers,

Holly

Birthday Fun with Paint!

Today was my 30th birthday. John, some friends, and I met up for another session of painting, followed by dinner at one of my favorite restaurants. We had a really fun time! Here's a picture of our group (except me, I'm taking the picture):

Next week I am going to attempt to go back to work, starting small, and working my way up (hopefully). I'm nervous, but also anxious to get back to a somewhat normal routine (not sure, what "normal" is anymore, but I'm ready to get back to it).

I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season. Again, thanks to all who had participated in my fundraiser. I am beyond blessed to have such wonderful family and friends!!!

Love and prayers, 

Holly